By Steve Knox | help4researchers.com | October 2019 Newsletter
In their classic The Elements of Style, Strunk and White provide writers many strategies and tips to write in the “classic style” (see my first three newsletters of March to July 2019). Starting with this newsletter, I’ll be discussing in more detail particular elements of good academic writing. But please buy this little book! Its advice is direct and simply explained, using clear examples to illustrate the main points. At the start of a new writing project, I suggest you take a couple hours and review the excellent advice. Your writing will get off to a better start.
The Elements of Style’s Point 17: Omit Needless Words and Phrases
The biggest problem in most of the academic writing I edit is wordiness. Grad students feel pressured to show their dissertation committee how much they know about a topic. They often think that every sentence they write should be comprehensive and completely ‘true’ whether it’s read in or out of context. The result—repeating noun phrases ad nauseam, killing the energy of the writing and turning off readers. The other culprit is a mindset that isn’t looking to cut words but to add them. So if your manuscript contains the same phrase you’ve written more than a few times, you’ve fallen into the wordiness trap.
Lots of academic writers, especially ESL writers, feel compelled to add words because they lack confidence in their ability to clearly express their ideas. They read a sentence they’ve just written, then think of aspects of the thought they feel weren’t captured well enough, so they regurgitate the same basic idea and add in that little bit their first sentence did not capture. The result—redundancy. Well, I’m here to tell all academic writers—LOOK FOR WAYS TO CUT WORDS AND PHRASES WHEN YOU REVISE. Your colleagues in academia who read a ton of material every day will thank you, along with the editors and publishers at prestigious journals and university presses who want to publish your research and scholarship.
Here’s an example from The Elements of Style that demonstrates a wordy passage and its concise substitute. This example is relevant to many academic writers who describe processes and procedures.
Wordy: “Macbeth was very ambitious. This led him to wish to become king of Scotland. The witches told him that this wish of his would come true. The king of Scotland at this time was Duncan. Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth murdered Duncan. He was thus enabled to succeed Duncan as king.” (51 words)
Concise: “Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth achieved his ambition and realized the prediction of the witches by murdering Duncan and becoming king of Scotland in his place.” (26 words)
Sometimes beginning with a different phrase, maybe one you originally used in the middle or the end of the passage (here, encouraged by his wife) can lead to substantial word reduction and create a clearer picture in the reader’s mind.
Splitting Wordy Noun Phrases
In my July 2019 newsletter, I discussed wordy noun phrases like this: Harvard’s football program training adviser. Clumsy and difficult to process. Effective, highly readable noun and verb phrases often contain a preposition or two: the training adviser for the football program at Harvard, or better: the training adviser for Harvard’s football program. Now the idea is clearer and more readable.
Question Every Adjective and Adverb
In academic writing, adjectives and adverbs are often superfluous. Always question their use and necessity in each instance. You’ll soon discover that they often add little substance to an argument, description, or idea and can show bias.
Resources to Identify and Cut Wordiness
Strunk and White don’t write extensively about wordiness. Well, they don’t write extensively about any particular writing problem. That’s what’s great about this resource—it’s succinct and to the point! The few examples they use are not necessarily taken from academic writing but are easily applied. So where else can you go for help and more examples? Two books that list hundreds of examples of wordy phrasing and their one- to two-word alternatives are Edit Yourself by Ross-Larson, and To the Point: A Dictionary of Concise Writing by R. H. Fiske. Both are comprehensive sources that help you find, eliminate, and substitute wordy phrasing. (Both these books are described in more detail at help4researchers.com on the ‘Other Resources’ page.)
Wordy Filler Phrases
Filler phrases are common to everyday spoken English. And because of that we aren’t generally aware of them.
To the Point is filled with wordy filler phrase examples and their one- or two-word substitutes. Here’s a partial list of its ‘as ___’ filler phrases followed by possible substitutions: as a consequence/result – consequently, hence, so, then, therefore, thus; as a consequence/result of – after, because of, following, for, from, in, out of, owing to, with; as a consequence/result of the fact that – because, considering, for, given, in that; as a general rule – almost all, chiefly, commonly, generally, largely, typically, and many others; as a matter of fact – actually, in fact, in reality, in truth, really, truly, indeed; as compared/contrasted/opposed to/with – against, alongside, beside, compared to/with, less, less than, more, more than, next ot, over, than, to versus, vis-à-vis; as long as/so long as (that) – if; as the basis for (-ing) – for (-ing), so as to, to; as well as – and.
Wordy Prepositional Phrases
Now let’s look briefly at wordy prepositional phrasing:
- Wordy: At one point in my life, I had lots of friends.
- Concise: I once had lots of friends.
Many phrases beginning with at, in, on, etc. are wordy. Lookout for them! Often one preposition or another word is enough.
Wordiness and “Sophisticated” Writing
A common misconception about academic writing that leads to wordiness is the idea that it is more “academic” or “sophisticated” to transform verbs into nouns, or nouns into verbs, such as energy (n.) —> energize (v.), or incline (v.) —> inclination (n.). These transformations often necessitate more words to express the same idea. Here’s an example of a concise sentence using a single verb and its wordy verb phrase replacements. Notice how adding words to the verb phrase increasingly deadens the impact of the idea.
- The best — I believe in unicorns.
- Uh Oh! — I am inclined to believe in unicorns. (Enter passive voice —‘am inclined’)
- Seriously? — I have the inclination to believe in unicorns. (Enter verb phrase with a noun)
- No comment — I have the inclination to hold a belief in unicorns.
The best advice—question any lengthy verb, noun, prepositional, or filler phrases and think of ways to substitute them with a single verb, noun, or preposition. Academic editors can spot wordiness immediately after years of experience ‘cutting the fat’. So it’s an attitude, a mindset, a way of approaching and revising a sentence or passage. The result is clear, concise, easy-to-read writing.
Coming in the November/December 2019 newsletter—a very relevant discussion for academic writers—using definite, specific, concrete language, from Strunk and White’s Elements of Style.